It's very difficult to live on.

With different feelings everyday.

Let there please just me alone.

I wanna be free.

When I thought I was totally broke.

And...Hahahaha I found out I can withdraw my money from savings

through atm machine. Although is not a very good thing. You know.

I gonna put all my bonus in next month.

I promise promise!

Always keep withdrawing. =\

So sad. My saving account is always empty.

Have fun with the NE tour today~~

Will post lots of photo later~

I am so getting boring.

=\ Feel kinda weird.

I seriously dont like ppl spoiling my cooking.

and i dont like people who eat disgusting food.

You know add abit of chilli, ma you and then the noodle become lap sap.

it like EEEEE

I get to cry very soon~! =D

I tried to deliver.

What u expect from me.

I am in pain.

I don't wanna be Miss Rambo-ness anymore.

I wanna cry.

Please at least, take a look at me.

Went for massage and rebond.

I look like a total mushroom now.

Should have thought of it.

As in, everyone says i am a mushroom when i cut my hair.

And now i go and rebond it!

It's SO mushroom!!

Today DC was shag.

But we manage to up lvl.

I can see everyone hardwork and happiness after that.

=D SO HAPPY.

I am just glad I didnt do anything wrong.

HAHAHA!

Need to start on my maths soon!

My prawn mee is nice!!!

Muahahahahaas!!

What was I doing?

I am confused.

I love u so so much. Just need to be more imaginative.

My whole family went MIA.

Since yesterday.

I think they are in Casino. Again.

=\

Bored.

I am going down with cheok to eat my dinner.

Always bring him need to order pork. =.=

I DUN LIKE EAT PORK!

expensive dog.

Went out with Jerry last night.

HAHAHAHAHA.

IT's happen to go out late midnight.

Somehow the air become better.

The scenary are also nicer.

HAHAHA

It's my maximun.

When I was 14 - Simon Neo, A piece of shit.

5 years of relationship.

All I get is shit. Jail, Fight, Drugs, Theft, Gangster. I grew up.

But not you.

When I was 19 - Benjamin Sit, Lies.

How long did we last? I forgot.

Because it's all lies.

Who would want to remember lies.

When I was 20 - John, Everything is mystery.

Where did you go??? Where are you now???

???????

Now I am 21 - Porkman.

Painful.

I cant even type out your name.

It's like a star that I can never reach.

Never never never.

And who's next?

U wont treat me good anymore?

Wont love me anymore?

No more morning and goodnight kiss.

Because I wont be able to see you sleep through the night til morning.

I am pathetic.

One after another.

And it's always me.

What the hell happen to me?

I failed my IPPT.

Which is not possible!!

Give me a reason why.

Okay, maybe because I am having cough.

I had difficulties breathing just now.

And I feel faint. So I started walking.

What happen!!? I was never this weak!

I dun faint! Why am I feeling faint?

Am I dying? Omg. I think I got some terminal illness.

It's time to do a full body check up.

Maybe, I didnt drink enough milk.

Milk is my source of energy!

Hais.

All of the above is craps.

This is not what I wanna talk about.

Is just a mother fucking IPPT.

U siam me.

That's all I know.

Is my own fault anyway.

Omg is fun playing dota!!

Jerry again. He been planting lots of bulbs in my life.

Just these 2 days.

It's normal to feel sad.

So i take it as it's normal.

Hahaha.

I read all my previous blog.

It seems like, I change alot.

From the day beanie left.

Then about John. Then you.

Well, always end with me getting sad only.

I have a bad dream.

I couldn't sleep.

Thanks to Jerry that company me til morning.

He bought me to out.

Thanks alot.

Well Well. It's like a cursed.

From long long time ago.

I have differentiate the different kind of pain.

And I realize, it's only a matter of time to numb.

I am now. Numb.

Thanks to me, and you.

你知道为什么人会想要死吗?

我想逃避。

我一直都在逃避。

可是现在，我已经没有力气在逃。

也没有勇气面对。

为什么我没有。

为什么不敢在快一点。

为什么不敢在大力一点。

为什么要救我。

Area cleaning 1.

It's time i fixed things back to how it used to be.

Why am I so different now.

Remember people used to use force on me so I talk.

But now I talk non-stop.

No one will ever believe I only starts talking at the age of 2.

Area cleaning 2.

I need to clean my brain.

Wash away all the bad bad memories.

What bad memories...

Memories like...you.

Area cleaning 3.

I am starting to train myself.

To live a life, without you.

From no onwards.

I don't expect anything from you anymore.

Is just a matter of time to goodbye.

Peace, til I have the courage.

Area cleaning 4.

I shouldn't enjoy life so much.

I feel like I am throwing money away.

Area cleaning 5.

It's time for me to quit.

All the bad habits.

Like scratching.. and Sss..

Bad for health.

Area cleaning 6.

MY room is in a mess.

HAHA. Mount Everest is just in my room.

My dolls, need bathing.

hundreds of them.

Area cleaning 7.

I decided to quit badminton.

Those days were bad.

They are so mean to me.

They make me cry.

No one knows about it though.

Rephrase, No one cares about it.

Area cleaning 8.

I'll show the world how important I am.

I got so many things on my mind now.

I cry and then I laugh.

I think I am going paranoid.

Hahahas.

Like I said, I been a clown for half of my life.

I always try to make people laugh with my lame jokes.

I laugh at myself sometimes.

Like, I just send out a 100 sms inviting people to my birthday.

And I forget to put the date.

And like I went to work this morning and forget I had a medical review.

I never become pretty.

Never never.

I never be able to play sport under the sun again.

I never able to go sun tanning anymore.

But it's ok.

I think I just got a shot in my heart.

Nobody can save it.

The clown is on mc today.

I lost my feelings.

I dont want it back.

I haven blog for years!!

Now I am back.

With lots of problem as usual.

Let's start with my face.

Looking around. There's no one else that got a face like me.

I thought god is suppose to be fair.

Someone once told me. God is fair.

Since he given you such nasty skin.

But still he gives you a pretty face. ( Thats was when I am young )

Then now what. Nasty skin and ugly face.

I was walking. And then I saw this nerd bitch.

She wore those outdated glasses. And she got long nice hair.

And white coloured skin. Zzz.

Then somehow I think is time I fixed my hair.

I dun wanna go around wearing hairband everyday like a 100% auntie.

Then.. I cant even fixed my own hair.

I am happy today.

Cause I find myself quite useful.

I help my Coxswain with his admin job.

And then ship comes back.

The atmosphere was stern while..people waiting for results.

And there I was smiling and talking cock as usual.

Maybe I shouldn't. My intention was to make people happy.

No matter what the outcome is.

Then...again. I was excused from sailing.

What's there to be happy about.

People might think I am so happy I keep smiling because I don't have to sail.

I love my job.

I want to stay onboard Resilience forever.

Why can't they understand me for abit.

I intend to upgrade soon. =D

I see Porkie click the "Start Game" over and over again.

Same thing again.

Each time he click, my tears wanna fall.

.......

I have nothing much to worry now.

Because I got nothing in this world.