The one that don't need anyone.: September 2009

Thursday, September 24, 2009

I start to find guys very very very very freaking mother fucking

I.R.R.I.T.A.T.I.N.G

Except for my fat three layered stomach pork.

My porky.

Is cute ( Ugly but adorable )

And Fat.

Simply dumb.

And...Very unromantic.

.....

I love my FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT

FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT

Little Porky. =D

I love my pork pork.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

My eyes sore again.

Mucus keep flowing out from my nose.

Like waterfall...?

I think I done something wrong again.

Like I always did.

I remember telling myself.

If things doesn't belongs to me.

Then I have no choice but to make it mine.

I've done it.

Happiness, laughter and stupid imaginery stories.

They only last for a very short while.

When you first write the first few episode.

You feel the exitement about "I wonder if he likes it"

I crack my brains using everything I have all my energy I spend

So I can think of interesting stuff to share.

I always been a joker.

A tomboy.

A man!

I have to protect everyone I loved.

I committed more than I can.

Clowns get performance money from audience.

But I got nothing.

Because at the end of the day.

I'm always tired and exhausted from all the "protecting".

Not protecting the people I loved.

But myself.

I guess I am the one who needs protection the most.

But there's no one there I can lean on.

And blurt out everything that is eating me.

It's hurtful.

To know.

You doubt my love.

Like I mention in the previous post.

Everything is a lie.

But my love is not.

But seems to me like my love is a lie to you.

HAHA. This is for lying too much.

Retribution.

Now... I am going to smoke until I can't feel my lungs.

( Anyone know the feeling of feeling a lungs? )

And til I die...I just gonna fill everywhere with laughter.

Even if I cry I gonna cry laughing!

Anyway I think I got a pair of pretty eyes with neverending tears.

Where I got so much water from.

I thought I just pee.

It's painful inside.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

I think I am living in a lie.

Though I hope losing my wallet is also a lie.

TELL ME ITS NOT TRUE!

I hae parents that love me and dote on me.

Although we always quarrel when we had eyes contact.

But still I am living in a lie.

I had a boyfriend that make a effort to cheer me up when I am angry with him.

But he always makes me kinda lonely and

"suck thumb because I am in love with him"

Promises like cooking a maggie mee always come hours later.

After I already start to deform into a zombie due to starvation.

Still, Is this a lie too?

What I meant was...

Everything is coming to an end.

I was very happy throughout all the times.

I mean I seriously am laughing when I am laughing.

But..After the crowd dispersed..

"What's so funny about just now"

Maybe it's a habit that I just like to laugh so much that is a habit.

I always bought damn lots of stuff when it comes to pay day.

Simply because I got nothing better to do.

Shopping kinda makes me "PHEW"

Though it makes me feel like a idiot carrying alot of bags.

I fell down at northpoint the other day.

After buying lots of BRAS that I promise I will buy for myself.

As a reward..for working too hard.

( Excuses )

Because I was carrying so much stuff.

I couldn't see the puddle of slimy slimy watery dunno what on the floor.

I manage to do some kungfu and land on my feet.

But my ankle hurt now. =\

I becoming more and more clumsy.

And I don't know why.

I used to be so protective of myself.

Even like how many ants passes me.

I will know.

I guess my spike has been cut off.

And stop observing how people react.

And stop protecting myself from meanies.

And also failed to see who is bad and who is not.

Simply because I lie to myself.

"He wont do this to me"

"She not that kind of person"

Even until I see their true colour.

"Maybe its her/his bad fur day"

Talking about bad fur day.

I been having that everyday since I cut my hair.

I swear to god I will never go to that salon and cut again!

If she touches my hair once more.

I make sure I chop my hair myself rather than let her chop.

Now I feel like a frizzly....bear?

I felt scare about the upcoming events that requires me to be MC.

It's just talking.

But I gonna talk in front of so many people.

And I think I need to wear skirt.

You know...I never done anything like this in my life.

Then again, what's there to be scare of.

I am getting tired.

I need to sleep very soon. Like immdiate.

Still got to sail tomorrow.

I think I done something proud today.

I drew a line.

Between work and friends.

Well, that takes alot of courage.

I guess, lies makes me happy.

Though I hope loving me is not a lie.

Its not about the maggie mee I am upset about.

It's about how you prioritize me between....me and games?

And how you care about my needs and my wants.

I guess I can do anything for you.

Or simply everything. If you ask me to.

But...What do I get in return?

AN HOUR LATE MAGGIE MEE.

And that really causes me to deform into a zombie.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

My poor poor laptop has been hospitalize.

Currently using my daddy old and dying laptop.

Have to wait for one week for my laptop to discharge from hospital.

Sians..

Monday, September 7, 2009

Come to think of it.

Today I been doing nothing again.

Although I learn something from L Andrew.

And he's laughing at my knowledge. I think.

Well blame it on someone.

I still can't forget everything and anything.

Not even your bloody face.

It makes me boil the moment I see you.

It's like " fuck i wanna strangle you " But then again,

" I don't want dirty my hand "

Man.

It's sound hurting saying all this.

Blaa. He should die.

Baby kaobeing about me keep flirting on msn.

Heehee.

I am sailing early morning tomorrow.

Talk to CO on the phone today.

Like he say who the would spend time calling someone

and specially tell them how you feel or cares about how you feel.

If that person don't appreciate you.

I thought I gonna... just somehow.

Zzzz...

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Woke up and you can tell that it's gonna be a long long boring day.

For me. Yes.

I having some difficulties living my life again.

I have the urge to swim 50 laps in the pool now.

But no. Because I don't want to be alone.

Beanie is on my mind right now.

Currently listening to Melodies of Life.

A song which part of the lyrics says..

"Do you remember loving me"

Well I still remember.

Specially when I play Patapons.

I use to hold your hands.

And we will sang the BON BON BONN song together.

BB's meow meow eyes is so big.

And it's like staring at me with hatred cause I always threw him on the floor.

And etc etc.

How can a cat win me.

Bleahs. I still don't understand.

Maybe I am getting old.

How I used to be so rebellious and "I will have what I want"

But now.. I still have to think twice about going for a swim.

And how to control my temper and emotion.

So I wouldn't hurt anyone feelings.

And then I get so used it I think I forgot about my own.

I curse bb get snipe and kill in SA everytime he play.

So that he will get fed up and stop playing and then turn around and look at me.

Okay I got nothing to blog already.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Geez.

I blew up just now.

Thinking of a way to keep myself awake.

So I can wait for baby to come back.

But now is only 12.30am.

Zzzz.. And I am bored.

I wonder what's so fun about dragonfly.

Will kana H1N1 you know.

Old people nowadays ah... Don't know what they thinking.

Tsk Tsk.

Some picture I took in genting.

My hair is gone.

I don't look pretty anymore.

SOB!!

And to think I was so against bimbos.

BB jacket that keep me warm!

I really really really miss my hair.

Lao nu ren and me =D

Isn't she cute?

Haha caught them!!

Friday, September 4, 2009

Uh huh.

I felt like crying.

This is not the life I want.

Then I think by tomorrow I will wake up

and forget everything that happen today.

And go crazy for some particular person again.

So I tried and tried so hard to keep my tears from dropping

Because I don't want it to lead to some arguments.

I tell you what.

I woke up feeling so useless.

And so lazy today.

I fucking hell don't feel like doing anything.

NOTHING.

But I force myself to fucking hell change the bloody mindset

of doing nothing for the whole day and do something.

I clean the bloody room.

I clean it with my hand and a piece of cloth.

I wipe every single inches of tiles in your room.

And I wipe basically everything in your room.

I fucking don't do housework.

Why do you have me make me feel so low.

And now I have to use all my cells and concentrate on not dropping

a single drop of fucking tears.

And so I thought maybe you done something sweet

and can make me smile and feel like a bloody idiot madly in love again.

But you didn't.

And then so be it.

I am sick being a bimbo.

Like some bloody shit that cares about how her fucking hair look like.

And start to worry of her actions that might make the guy just run away.

Whatever.

Mother fucker all.

Shit just fuck off.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Oh as I were saying yesterday.

Baby bought a new computer.

And now he can't play sudden attack with it.

Hee. I am trying to fixed it.

Felt so young suddenly like 10 years ago.

When I was just primay 4 I would sit in front

of my computer every night and day.

And that time my computer always spoiled.

And then start to fixed myself with daddy screwdriver.

And tada. I am a genius.

Blahs whatever.

Baby sailing.

So sians.

Hais...

I am so tired about work.

I mean not about work or sailing.

About peoples.

I been praise by CO quite often recently.

Why am I doing this?

Oh whatever.

Anyway I realize some good point under him.

He forced you to learn.

And when people asked me a question, I know how to answer.

Because I somehow remember being force to learn by CO.

Lols. Blaa. I gonna fall asleep soon.

So tired.

Oh my god.

I haven blog for a fucking damn long time.

Something is wrong with my laptop.

I guess it's really time to fixed it.

Tomorrow I will bring it for repair.

Sians.

Tomorrow still have to go and work.

I mean I been so xiong for a week.

Lols.

Bleahs.

Actually it fun being busy.

Totally busy for a whole week.

Sailing and sailing.

But it's fun.

BB bought a new desktop.

Heehee!!